U.S. — Fast-food chain McDonald's has officially surpassed the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the number of shooters apprehended in 2024.
Despite having thousands of highly trained agents tasked with stopping violent mass shooters, the entirety of the FBI was bested by a single part-time McDonald's cashier.
"Not again," sighed Director Wray, handing over his resignation. "I don't know how McDonald's does it. How did they beat us at arresting shooters, all while making perfectly crispy fries, a solid breakfast, and surprisingly good coffee? We just can't compete with the golden arches."
In light of this development, Congress has announced all FBI agents will be required to do an apprenticeship at McDonald's to hone their craft. "If you can't beat them, join them," said Congressmen Rand Paul, explaining the new measure.
Read Full Article Here
McDonald’s Surpasses FBI In Number Of Shooters Apprehended In 2024
- by: BabylonBee.com
- 12.11.24
- Source:
Babylon Bee
- 12/13/2024
Very last minute shot after an afternoon at my Grans by Boshoku is licensed under Unsplash unsplash.com
Very last minute shot after an afternoon at my Grans by Boshoku is licensed under Unsplash unsplash.com
Follow us
Read our latest news on any of these social networks!
Get latest news delivered daily!
We will send you breaking news right to your inbox
Have a tip? Let us know!
Recent Articles
- by: MARK SHERMAN
- Source:
Dayton Daily News
- 04/18/2025
Supreme Court keeps hold on Trump’s restrictions on birthright citizenship but sets May arguments
The Supreme Court is keeping a hold on President Donald Trump’s restrictions on birthright citizenship but will hear arguments on the issue in May
- by: John T. Bennett
- Source:
Roll Call
- 04/18/2025
Trump puts Italy’s Meloni in high-pressure role as bridge to EU on tariffs
“America first” met “Italy and Italians first” on Thursday at the White House, with tariffs atop the agenda as President Donald Trump huddled with Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni — suddenly a key European leader who could help close the trans-Atlantic trade chasm.
- by: Jennifer Peltz
- Source:
US Daily Press
- 04/18/2025
Ex-NYPD officer sentenced to 18 months after conviction for helping China stalk an expat
Michael McMahon was convicted in 2023 of contributing to a transcontinental pressure campaign; the tactics ranged from Facebook messages to a threatening note on the man’s door
- by: Associated Press
- Source:
NY Post
- 04/17/2025
Puerto Rico hit with massive island-wide blackout ahead of Easter weekend
An island-wide blackout hit Puerto Rico on Wednesday as the largely Catholic residents of the U.S. territory prepared to celebrate the Easter weekend, officials said.