U.S. — Fast-food chain McDonald's has officially surpassed the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the number of shooters apprehended in 2024.
Despite having thousands of highly trained agents tasked with stopping violent mass shooters, the entirety of the FBI was bested by a single part-time McDonald's cashier.
"Not again," sighed Director Wray, handing over his resignation. "I don't know how McDonald's does it. How did they beat us at arresting shooters, all while making perfectly crispy fries, a solid breakfast, and surprisingly good coffee? We just can't compete with the golden arches."
In light of this development, Congress has announced all FBI agents will be required to do an apprenticeship at McDonald's to hone their craft. "If you can't beat them, join them," said Congressmen Rand Paul, explaining the new measure.
Read Full Article Here
McDonald’s Surpasses FBI In Number Of Shooters Apprehended In 2024
- by: BabylonBee.com
- 12.11.24
- Source:
Babylon Bee
- 12/13/2024
Very last minute shot after an afternoon at my Grans by Boshoku is licensed under Unsplash unsplash.com
Very last minute shot after an afternoon at my Grans by Boshoku is licensed under Unsplash unsplash.com
Follow us
Read our latest news on any of these social networks!
Get latest news delivered daily!
We will send you breaking news right to your inbox
Have a tip? Let us know!
Recent Articles
- by: NIKKI SCHWAB
- Source:
Daily Mail
- 08/14/2025
Melania Trump makes bombshell $1 billion threat against Hunter Biden after 'inflammatory' Epstein comments
First lady Melania Trump is threatening to sue Hunter Biden for $1 billion after he made the false claim that she was introduced to President Donald Trump by serial pedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
- by: Filip Timotija
- Source:
US Daily Press
- 08/14/2025
Appeals Court rules DOGE can access sensitive federal data
An appeals court ruled on Tuesday that the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) can access sensitive federal data of millions of Americans, reversing a temporary injunction that was issued earlier this year.
- by: Rachel Raposas
- Source:
People
- 08/14/2025
Popular Grocery Chain Recalls Potentially Contaminated Cheeses Across 9 States
The products, containing Wegmans Medium Camembert Soft Ripened Cheese, are suspected to be contaminated with Listeria
- by: Misty Severi
- Source:
Just the News
- 08/13/2025
Treasury Department confirms US has surpassed $37 trillion in debt
The United States reportedly reached $34 trillion in debt in January 2024, $35 trillion in July 2024, and $36 trillion in November.